Cheers, 2007!

Two Zero Zero Seven! We have come to the very last of you, and it's time to move on to 2008!

Through the hours of the year, you've been a companion with me through the following times:

January - March: Spring was a time which taught me the expectations in friendships. It taught me when to say certain things, and when not to, when to pursue something, and when to give up, when to be stubborn, and when to be relenting, when to cry and when to save those tears.

April - June: Summer taught me the focus of my career. The importance of speaking up for your fellow comrades, the importance of watching your own back, whilst still keeping the integrity of what God has always instituted in love. It brought me challenges and milestones that were created in the course of my work.

July - September: Autumn taught me the harshness and bitterness of life, that can sap our souls if we are not careful. The importance of guarding our hearts above all else. It also taught me how to lead, to learn, to laugh and overcome greater challenges in the entwinement of emotions and goals.

October - December: Winter taught me to strengthen the ties that matter. Family, close friends and acquaintances. It brought me the reunion of friends from afar. It also allowed me to experience the immense joy of seeing someone who is dear come to cross the line of salvation, and another who had never liked to attend service come to attend the Christmas service.

Lastly, to end off 31 December 2007. This is to God:

My greatest companion, confidante, counsellor, closest and most intimate friend. Thank you for your watching me every step of the way, giving me the inner strength to smile at the storms, to laugh at the mistakes, and the vitamin booster to keep going to pursue the purpose that you have instituted for me. Without you, there wouldn't be a fruitful 2007, kudos to you God! Cheers, on giving me a memorable 2007, and continuing on the journey with me to 2008!

Consternation & Pain

For the past six years, I have been learning to stay away from being disillusioned, panicky and bewildered.

At times I suceed, at times I fail. It all depends on how much heart I place in putting His words into my soul, and how often I hang it on my mouth. Do I hold those words like a beautiful plaque of affirmation, or do I hide those words in my heart, but never dare to bring them out, and proudly proclaim?

I am amazed in how negative I am at times, and how at other times I hold on to promises as though I am walking on rainbows. Why do the rainbows seem to stop, when I do not want them to?

There are some dreams, that can be fulfilled, and some dreams that can never be fulfilled. There are times where panic attacks come. The sudden anxiety that doesn't seem to go away comes. The "to-do" list that never ever seem to end. The time that always ticks away so quickly.

The faces of people who are so dear to me, and how I wish that they will always be around...but always fearing that they will someday be gone.

Today, this thought came to me. There are some people whom I love and others whom I want to love, but I know I may never be loved in return. Will I be able to keep on loving?

1 Jn 4:19
We love because he first loved us.

Sense of Euphoria

Euphoria - a feeling of happiness, confidence, or well-being sometimes exaggerated in pathological states as mania.

Sometimes, I find myself in such a state. Interestingly, I don't know why. One thing I know though, whenever I come to this state, I know that the other state of near depression will be upcoming. It is just that extreme.

What causes the swing? To know that you initially feel so good, so confident about something, or someone. After a while, one starts to fear...fear the loss that is impending...fear the uncertainty that can happen anytime. Everything starts to erode the euphoric state, and a state of being gripped by uncertainty sets in...leading to the extreme of depression.

I guess, that's how a mind without the framework of God's words, and the assurance of Him works. It is just that fragile. We can be all loony and high in a while, and in the next spilt second, we just crumble under the weight of all the "what ifs". Gosh, life is really hard without Him, and His assurance.

Seven Things About 7 October 2007

Tacky title? Wait till you see the post! =p

Today was a really hilarious day. It's been such a long while since I laughed so hard, at myself, and my bunch of crazy sistas! Thank you to all three of you who made the first birthday celebration of 2007 helluva memorable one!

One. Ger, SR, Rach and I met at VivoCity. We had dim sum together at the foodcourt. Only to find out that the dim sum stall only had like 3 kinds of dim sum. The auntie who manned the stall was like reciting a rhyme about the only FEW kinds of dim sum she had left. We still bought, nonetheless.

Two. Ger, SR, Rach and I went to Marche. Let's see, we had salmon belly crepe, mushroom crepe, chicken cheese sausage, rossti with pork sausage, calamari, mixed mushrooms, mixed vegetables, spanish rice, yoghurt, orange juice, lime juice and ginger beer....did I get all that correct?

Three. We decided to go and take a ride on the Cable Car. We reached there, to see no one in sight...until we approached the counter....then we were looking at the pricing - $20 for see-through bottom cable car; $13.90 for covered. Someone asked aloud,"What's the diff ah?" We all burst out in laughter...including the counter girl...THANK GOD it was only those few of us! Once again, we always bring "joy" to people around us.

Four. We set off in the cable car....and the first question was "why so slow?"....no prizes for guessing who asked.

Five. We reached Sentosa...we couldn't find the exit out of the station, until 10 minutes later?....and someone fell in love with the Merlion.

Six. Someone kept emphasising that we should get back by 9pm, because that's the time where the four or five flights of escalators UP to the cable car station stops functioning...

Seven. We wanted to go to a beach bar, but we took the wrong beach tram...when we took the right one, we were the only ones on the bus, and we started our chat with the uncle...only to get suanned in return, and to realize that that bar was non existent on Sunday nites....

Okay, I realize I can't stop at Seven.

What happened at the end, we settled down at Coastes. Had some margaritas...didn't get drunk...and we went back home in a limou cab! Rach started chatting with the uncle, asked him the longs and shorts, and eventually asked if he had any movies! We watched Mr Bean's Holiday on the limou cab! Oh...and it ended off we me being the last one to get off....only to get a prep talk from the Uncle about whether to get married of not to! Oh my gosh!

What can I say? I got more out of the $28 (how auspicious!) cab fare than I bargained for!

As I said, this is the PRELUDE of the upcoming HK trip. God bless all those who will be coming in contact with us then! You've been warned - avoid us if you can't stand laughing, joking and nonsense!

Random Search!

I had a bit of nothing-to-do-ness this morning.

I ran a search on my name.....and....tah-dah....guess what I found?

Waiting for 5pm cos i got a date wif jeannie...
jeannie quek..
Currently a vry important person in my life...
She's my....
She's my..............
She's sum1 whos taking care of mybond deeds la... lol

One of my sponsored students actually wrote this on his blog....it's quite hilarious to me...haha =p

What's on my mind?

1. How to sniff out God's leading in life?
2. How to live a life that is not my own?
3. How to give my all in all that I do?

Paintings are pretty to people who have the lenses and understanding of it's background to appreciate it.

I find that it's the same for people. People are pretty to those who have the lenses and understanding of the person to appreciate the person for who he or she is, and hope for the best for him or her.

God always sees me as pretty, as his beauty, as his treasured being. He always tells me.

If all women knew this point, then beauty parlours would probably all be out of business, perhaps.

How do I honour the One who places me high upon His pedestal? In humility and trust, to follow His leading; having the confidence in Him, and knowing where to draw the line.

As I ramble on....

This blog has been up for some time. Besides putting across my thoughts, it has always been my hope that whoever visits this place, will also be drawn into the mood of contemplativeness. Thinking about what is life about, who they are, and what is the essence of it all. A time for all to come to face the mysteries of life, to see how they fit into the picture, and to seek the best for themselves and others.

That's the reason why "moments like these" are so important. Moments captured, are usually hard to forget. Such moments, keep us reminded of goodness, sadness, joy, peace, excitement, disappointments and so much more. Such moments, are non-exchangeable and non-refundable, but they add up to our wealth of experience. Such moments, can never be felt similarly as what you feel, by anyone else, but only yourself.

Hope Church 16th Anniversary

Hope Church's 16! Our pastors kids are now old enough to be emcees! We are old enough to... ....I shan't go there... ...

The three of us all over again - all in white...all being of service in the anniversary.

This anniversary was interesting also, because it's the FIRST time my blood actually boiled for a while during the serving process. Overall, it was a good learning opportunity throughout it all. (:

Why Our Paths Cross?

There are countless people I meet daily.

I walk pass them, and smile or nod my head, or just greet them "hello". I don't know their names. I only know that they are in my workplace for a purpose, and that purpose, of great probability is not pleasant.

All of us have the opportunity to meet different people daily. The only difference is whether we slow down to get to know them that tad bit better. To help them with that little something. As they stare blankly at the many words in front of the directory, wouldn't a nice warm voice help that bit more?

Sometimes, I walk past someone and that person's smile seem more like a smile, more like a smile that encompasses, "how are you, I hope you are well", there are those who smile, as though they want to eat you, yet, there are those who smile as though they want to pick you up, and of course, there are times when you wonder if that smile means that there's vege stuck between your teeth!

Whatever it is, a good connection between people is hard to achieve. When that happens, friends are found. Then a deeper connection goes on, and buddies are bred. Thereafter, if it goes another notch, who knows? Paths are crossed, friendships are created - by beginning with that smile, that nod, and the many words that come after.

That's one of the privileges we have as humans - the ability to connect cognitively....emotionally...

Camaraderie; Faith

Past week, I was busy working hard at two areas, work per se and a captain's ball match at my workplace. I was never a sports person when I was in my academic years. After two years of playing captain's ball in my organisation, I began to regret not being involved in sports when I was way way younger.

Thank God though, He allowed me to enjoy the bond and the experience of teaming up to play competitively with my fellow colleagues. This year, I experienced the sweetness of victory, and the bitterness of loss. The team was definitely closer after the game. It is little wonder sports brings people together. After work we trained together, during lunch hours, we trained together. It all brought our relationship with one another to another level. It is something that I treasure.

Through the entire competition, I realized one thing. Skill isn't the MOST important, camaraderie with your team mates is of greater importance. It's just like how it is emphasised that it is better to have a heart that is humble to learn, than to have knowledge and arrogance. The winning team this year had both - the ultimate combination. It's a valuable lesson brought smack right in front of me.

Another thought that came to me all this while also - how strictly do I want to adhere to the rules? Am I able to stomach the consequences of not sticking to the rules? This applies to all of my life.

Faith that comes beyond words, through actions and irregardless of emotions. Idealistic. Do I have to chase after ideals? Do I need to chase after ideals? Do i want, to chase after ideals?

MmmMmmm

Sun's rays shone through the glass panels of the roof, creating shadows on the floor. With each turn, those shadows seemed to turn on it's own axis.

The air filled with the smell of butterscotch cookies, candy floss and caramel flavoured popcorn.

The pace of the countryside life. The sounds of the tinklings of the candy machines, and the melodious tunes of the carousel.

The little girl twirled and twirled around the candy cane pole.

Her mother looked upon her, beaming, filled with pride to see her daughter being as cute as she can be.

Bliss.

Here I Go Again

After two short holidays, one to Redang, the other to Bintan, I am back in the race once again. It's just like a hamster, that keeps on going at the wheel, and seemingly goes nowhere, and at times, get tired, and just hops off the wheel (that's where holiday comes in), then after a while, decides to go back to the wheel and have another go at it again.

What an analogy. It is a very true fact of life though. That many are like this. Myself included. Though I plan and plan my life, seeking the direction and eventual destination, I still come to such a point some time in my life.

That's where I realize, I need to get out of the cage. It ain't just the wheel! Ha.

Been reviewing my life once again. And yes, there are new things I find out about myself. Some of it, I have better decide fast whether I want to still be the way I am, or whether I want to do something about it.

A random trivia - I realize I really lurve to sit on the bus, plugged into my mp3 and listen to some inspirational tunes that somehow or other make me lost in another world of my own, letting the lyrics bring me to fantasy island, and bringing me back....hmm...a pleasure of life.

Yes, that's what a typical working adult is like. Sometimes, it does sound quite sad. Is it? Or is it not? Hmm...

Reminisce

I came home from facial last night, had a late dinner, and slouched in my couch.

My mum suddenly excitedly came to me with a photo album. Yellow, slightly tattered at the corners, and definitely smelled of old, ruffled papers. Once in a while, she'd come up with something interesting for me to ponder over. Last night, was one of those nights.

"Hey, you look at this. Don't you think that my friend's face shape is just sooooooo different? She must have did something to her face!"

Yeah, her friend, is now my beautician.

They have been close friends for a long while. The thing that brought them apart - marriage, kids. Now that their kids are older, do they have time to sit down and talk. It's really that hard, I guess, for a typical person to upkeep friendship. Though this is something I don't really like, it's also something that I prepare myself mentally for.

As I watched them talk over coffee and toast two weeks back, each knowing each other's preferences, I thought of the coffee talks I have with my close friends. It's like watching life fast forward to 30 years on, and this is how it'd look like.

One thing I really found true-er and true-er now, is as a particular person once said," What you do before you are 30, determines what you would do after 30." Both of them have always been in the beauty line. The skincare regime has kept them youthful. I could see for myself one thing - maintenance, for a woman, is really important. The both of them didn't look "ah-sor". I really hope I'd be somewhat like them...aging gracefully.

Of course, spiritual and emotional health are more important, but nowadays, we look to holistic needs. All encompassing needs being met. Sounds a hefty feat.

Three Years On....

[a fren] says: hey hey
[a fren] says: help me see this photo
[a fren] says: and tell me wat is this gal's name
[a fren] says: she is on my right side in the photo. i bumped into her yday, and i can't remember her name.

This was my HRC convocation in 2004. 3 years on, and a typical conversation like that comes by. Do we really have no heart? Only 3 years, and we can't remember the names of some of the people whom we had studied with for 2 years.

Humans, really have some memories that we cannot forget, while we also have those that we cannot remember. We are just that interesting creatures. We are given the capability to remember, to feel, to experience, but sometimes, we just don't harness that capability.

I can't even remember things that are so dear to me at one point in time. Yet, it is something that I know I must do...especially things that I am to give thanks to God for. Gratefulness, is something very important. It brings everything back to perspective. It brings me back to knowing who I am, the rights I have as a human being, and who gave me this rights, who gave me this life, who gave me these opportunities in life..

It is a simple concept, but not a simple feat to keep doing it.

Just like this short conversation on people, our memories, if we didn't dwell a little more on it, then we would not be appreciative of the times we had together. That in the years of 2002 - 2004, our paths crossed, and that is something to be thankful for.

Politicking

Being a part of the grapevine is a very risky thing to be in. Then again, grapevines can be good and bad. Depending on what you do with the information from the grapevine. Sometimes, as I am on the grapevine, I see sour grapes, big juicy grapes, succulent grapes and dried grapes...are there more? Definition is up to your own imagination. Personally, I usually end up in the sour grapes category.

I had an invigorating discussion with a sister last night on this, more commonly known as office politics. Surprisingly, I find that I am a person who can be slightly aggressive. If you step on my toes, you know you'd be in for it, just sooner, or later. As I gloat in glee of the supposedly wonderful plan of "something".

This sister practised the art of displeasure. Ha ha. Then again, it's also the art with an underlying message of "enemies multiply kisses, but wounds from a friend can be trusted". Yes, as I pondered over it as we discussed more into it. Actually, what happened was that I popped a lot of questions, that I had the answers to it myself!

This morning, as I read a passage from Proverbs 6, it gave me the commandments against office politics. It told me what to do with my eyes, mouth, hands, feet and heart. Quite cool yah. Here's the verses:

There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

When I looked at it, I knew I found the answers to the tool against office politics. How contemporary the word of God can be. Just avoid the above, and you know you are in the right path.

As a particular sister always quotes : leave justice to the Lord.

One Year Anniversary

It's been a year. Time has just taken away another year of my youth....OMG...hehe..ok...seriously, I just wished myself Happy 1st year...with my organisation.

It had been a very challenging first year, and the second doesn't seem any easier. Today's sermon that I sat through is really apt..."Help me, Lord"...to do the best that I can, in all that I can, and to everyone that I can...

I ain't that smart, but I do hope to be smart enough to always remind myself that I ain't that smart. =) Wise words, from a wise man paraphrase.

The past year had been a fruitful one, with many failures but yet, many successes. I know in the recesses of my heart, that those failures made me stronger, those successes were the result of reliance upon Him for guidance and insights. There are just too many things that I seen His hand in it, and I still see Him working through it all. It's amazing.

This upcoming year, I anticipate it to be one filled with much more learnings and growth. My wish is that my life will keep on telling the glory story of God.

7 Habitssss

7 Habits...a course I took over the past week for three whole days. My colleagues are also facilitators for this course...and we came up with our own rendition...especially for the people who are probably more heartlanders...

H1: Ai Zhi Dong
H2: Ai Xio Ho Say
H3: Ka Tiong Yao eh Xi Zo Seng
H4: Ai Xio Jia Eh Ya
H5: Ai Tia Ho Say, Jia Wuey Hiao Yi Gong Xi Mi
H6: Teamwork ah...
H7: Toh Buah Lai Lai

It was a very good learning experience on my part. Was in a class with different designations of different hierarchical levels. The sharings and discussions were engaging and enriching. It was a rare opportunity to me to learn from many seniors and how they linked up the concepts of the course to the workings of the organisation.

I look forward to many much more rich discussions to come over time, in work, and in my personal life. I guess, I'm just a s***er for such things...oh wells...

Mary's Willingness, Faith & Trust

This morning, I read a passage that made me go OMG!!!

What is it about? It's from Luke 1:26 - 38 - The Birth of Jesus Foretold.
Doesn't seem like a very inspiring passage right? I mean, what can be so happening about this passage telling one how Jesus came to this earth. There's only, but one way?

What that made me exclaim in much "pain" is the very last verse of v38:

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." This is what she responded when the angel Gabriel told her that she will be with child through the Holy Spirit.

If it was me, I believe that history would never be what it is today. You'd get a shrew bickering, arguing, debating, doing all that she can to wriggle her way out of the proposition given.

I think, I would have probably given Gabriel the anecdotes of practicalism:

1. There is no way that such a thing can happen. Then, I'd give him a biology lesson.
2. I would not want to be pregnant without getting married! Can you imagine the social response?
3. How the heck am I going to explain to my husband to be that, err, I am pregnant? But I'm a virgin?!?!
4. I DON'T want to be pregnant! My career is just picking up some steam....and I don't want it to be back to non-boiling point again...
5. I don't want to get fat, ok, fatter....
6. And, even if I'd be given three months of maternity leave.....it doesn't equate to three months of worthwhile stay - home pay!

Okay, I'm hitting the OTT syndrome. Bottom line: I would not be willing. If I did, I'd writh in agony. :P

Lesson learnt: It was humbling. After the whole time pondering over the passage. I know, I need to love my God more than I love myself. God willing, God helping, I hope that I'd respond like Mary when the situation calls for it.

He spoke to me one thing - that, be kept in the recesses of my heart, where He has the key to open it. I said, "Ok, I'd believe that you'd do it". Whatever it is, it has been a very sobering morning. Praying that I'd be more willing to respond to His requests.

Time Investment

Most of the people I meet regularly are away this week in Malacca. I was thinking, this is a guage of whom I spend much time with every week. Would there be a difference in my social life this week?

Surprisingly, there wasn't much of a change. I realized an "independence" from an entity. It strengthened my understanding, that i "choose" to be where I am, and who I want to be with, who I want to invest my time with.

Through the period, I realized that the people I talk much to, weren't merely from a particular organisation, but were all around. I guess, that's what I am hoping for too. My role, is supposed to bring people from one end to another. If I have all people on one end, and not the other, that's not very possible too.

Then again, I find that I am also one who tends towards the other end.....the forbidden fruit always seem to taste better.:P

Growing Up

Maturity is interesting. It is a state of your mind. Your mind will never stop gaining experiences, until you tell it not to. Until you refuse to gain and make sense of your experiences, you'd keep growing.

There are quite a lot of ways how one grows in God. It can be through the truth setting you free, your experience with God, correction from people and so on. Each one of the ways has it's pros and cons. Sometimes, we see the need to grow, that we don't see that growth comes from God.

I realized this about myself after reading this book - there are many ways of growth, and each person has to have a combination of ways to grow. One must not impose our ideology of growth on the person.

As the verse states, I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. 1 Cor 3:6

God made it grow. I am the instrument to other's growth, and also of my own growth. There are dual responsibilities of each person - to personally grow, and to help others grow. Yet, it should never inhibit God's working in that person's life. Now, that's the challenge.

Real - life crisis

Previously, I spoke about change management from a bystander's point of view in my previous organisation.

In this organisation, I am a change agent. Trust me, you can never be graded for emotional management.

To me, change management = emotional management. If you can manage the emotions of the people, then you have aced the "module", if not, good luck!

Today, my colleague and I went into a room filled with boiling-blooded creatures. I don't know, I thought hot was an understatement, hence boiling should be more apt. It started off like any other briefing, it reached the middle with spices & even more spicy spices, and ended off chao tar.

There was the cynical, the critic, the conventionalist, the contortionist, the case-builder, oh man, but thank God, there were some compassionates. For the time I was in there, I really just had eyes on one person, the cynical one, and I really felt like walking over to strangle him. And of all things, we were in the same colour shade - purple. Gosh.

As my colleague and I walked out of the room, all I could think of was. If only we had this filmed down, perhaps, my appraisal for FY 07 will have more compassionate points to add. It was also the perfect video for a change management consultant to use, captioned - 10 things you should never do as a change agent.

It was a good experience. Good, perhaps, an understatement? As that visa advert goes. Salary -peanuts. The experience earned - Priceless....

Bittersweet

First, I shall start with the bitter.

Someone close to me was accused of something that could not be proven. Really felt for her. I guess, if there's one thing that I cannot tolerate is that of being given a tag that I shouldn't have "earned". It made me realize how difficult it is to be wronged. It made me realized how He was totally wronged, yet still see beyond that, for a purpose greater than His own pride, and status.

It was a very angsty day yesterday. It still is today, as I met her in the morning. Hopefully, things will get better as she cools down, and sees beyond as well. It made me sit up, and reflect more about my purpose in this place as well.

Now the sweet. One of my colleagues came to church last sunday. A personal breakthrough. Had been asking God over time that though I seem to keep sharing His word, and love, but then, why is there not much progress, not much fruitfulness? He gave me some encouragement through this colleague last week. She's a new friend I made, and also one I am beginning to know better and find that we can "click", even though she's six years junior.

I'm looking forward to having more of His presence at work, be it through me or others. Yet, I wish to be a vessel of love for Him. That's one of my purpose in this place.

Facets About Taipei

I guess, I won't do justice to my trip if I don't talk more about the interesting things in this bustling city of Taipei. Some after-trip thoughts about the culture, architecture and idiosyncrasies.

Before I begin, I think, I should add a disclaimer - The below are merely what I observed in Taipei. It is not a full representative of the place.

1. The toilet cisterns do not take in toilet paper, tissue paper and whatever rubbish. Perhaps, the pipes underground are too small, or too fragile? Mainly, though, I believe that they are just very environmentally friendly.

2. Recycle bins for various objects are all over the place, and rubbish bins are labelled if they are for every kind of junk, or specific junk. Yep, they are quite organised. And, they seem to use those recycle bins quite seriously!

3. People are very colourful in their dressing. They don't seem to like plain colours. There must be stripes, dots, etc of some sort.

4. They speak mainly mandarin, hokkien, hakka and minnanese. The MRT train announcements also revolve around this few dialects.

5. They speak American - accented English a la mei yu.

6. They seem to love to read. Chen pin bookstore cum departmental stores are all over the place.

7. Quite a number of mountains.

8. Sales people have saccharine sweet and persuasive antics. Customer service is definitely very good. (which i find surprising, thought it was just towards tourists)

9. Buildings are rather old, to the extent of dilapidated. Cost of living is low. Salary is also low. Minimum income for a gold credit card is approx S$9K per annum (vis a vis S'pore)

10. The only acceptable coffee you can find is at cafes such as Starbucks, Dante's Coffee and those NT35 coffee stalls....the rest, CMI! Boo hoo hoo....

11. Shilin night market is any girl's paradise. Wufenpu wholesale market, provided you buy in bulk.

12. Those with a penchance for sweet stuff and fruits will find this place heavenly. They give you extra topping for milk for your ice shavings.

13. Snacks galore, food galore and nuff said. Just eat!

14. If you are in a hurry, forget about the lifts at the MRT stations....walk is faster. Even the cleaning auntie told us to walk "kah ging". =p

That should be the main points...till I think of more...

Refreshed, Renewed, Recharged

I am just back from my holiday. Six days of getaway. One which gave me an injection of new energy for the upcoming months ahead.

Taipei - beautiful place, friendly people, environmentally friendly, delectable delights, breath-taking views, weather to die for. Sounds like I should just move over there, right? On hindsight, perhaps, it's because I am only there 6 days, so everything looks nice? Ha ha..

As I am typing this, am really thinking, what should I write about? The experiences that I had at each destination I went? The description of the things I did, felt and enjoyed? The bottom line is - the trip's really satisfying. A time for me to smell the flowers, feel myself walking, breathing, thinking. Seriously, when I slow down, I realize that walking is something to give thanks for too.

Many interesting and quirky things happened in Taipei, which I believe my travel buddies will also agree with me. A number of firsts, in this trip, including places which were not on our itinerary, and happenings that never thought would occur. Then again, all the experiences lived up to the plan that we had - free and easy. It was a myriad of experiences and feelings.

Through the time in Taipei, one thing that came to my mind most was this. How you want something to be like, how you want your mood to be like, how you hope to see something - it is a decision to make at each point.

As I marvelled at God's creation of nature, the culture of the place, the lifestyle of the people, many things ran through my mind. The differences are rampant. The geographic location is different. The systems are different. One can keep focusing on differences, or find the binding point that brings people, things and faith together. Which one do I want to look at?

It was a fruitful trip. All the way.

Oh, and this I must add. We bought enough shoes, bags, clothes, pastries and instant cup noodles to probably open a store at the pasar malam!

Enjoy the photos on flickr. (=

FareWell

"do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can,
at all the times you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as ever you can....."

This was the farewell quote that a particular Dep Dir sent to all the staff in my company. I was rather amazed by it, and I believe, many others too.

The above quote, can be shown forth in his life. Anyone who knows him, knows that he has somewhat described what he lives for. The man who walks the talk. The above quote, describes how he treats people around him, how he lives his life. For the 11 years that he has been in this organisation, he left a great impression and impact in this place, and the people.

For my department, who used to be led by him, tears were shed, and many memories were talked about regarding this man. He is a man whom I had come to know briefly this period of time, and I can just say that he is a man who puts a few "F"s first in his life. Faith, Family and Friends.

You don't meet such people often. But when you do meet one, your life's changed, just merely being around him.

Quarter Time

The real test of a man is not when he plays the role that he wants for himself, but when he plays the role destiny has for him. - Vaclav Havel

Letting God take the front seat, instead of myself. That's what the above implies. Building my house versus building His.

God gave His children gifts. We can use the gifts in what we think is best, or we can use the gifts in accordance to what He made us for. In short, the calling that He gave each of us. There is something unique that each of us do best. Something that one of His child is able to do which is different from another. The particular niche that we are created for.

The work that He has created us to do, is definitely different for each one of us. As He had carefully and fearfully crafted us, He knew what He had crafted each one of us for. He wrote our stories before even the start of time.

As I seek forth His calling in my life, I come to realize more and more each day, what makes me smile in my heart when I do it, and what I like to do, but does not have that same satisfaction. I guess, that's one of the understandings. When I sense the Holy Spirit seem to beam within me, I know I am doing what He had crafted me to do, at that particular time. It is something that cannot be explained rationally, no matter how rational I can, and want to be.

As I face a quarter of a century of life, I begin to see how much I desire to be in the centre of His will, and how much I desire to be doing what He has always desired me to do. That we may both smile together in our hearts, that we may both know that that's the best thing on earth that I can do.

There are some things on my mind and heart, I know He has sealed. As the plan of His unfolds, I see my part in it more and more. The adventure that He has given me, and will give me, will be what I am looking out for. I may be driven by my own whims and fancies, but what will keep me going even more, will be what I am called for. The drive from that, will be even better than my personal drive. I just hope to be able to distinguish the two.

Bee with An Itch

Colleague 1: Really can't stand this particular person! Argh..

Colleague 2: Yep, she's definitely a bee with an itch..

Get it? =pPp

Values Dilution

Healthy people don't need a doctor - sick people do. Mark 2:17 (nlt) This was the verse I pondered upon this morning.

At lunch, I had a chance to meet one of my colleagues in another department. It was a rare lunch meet up. Somehow or other, we talked about doctors, and the lack of professionalism in some. It's a growing trend it seems.Eventually, she ended off saying, the reason that her husband died is because of a doctor. The nonchalence that the doctor gave in diagnosis and explanation of what she will do in the operation resulted in them not having the faith to go on with the operation. The choice of not going through the operation, than to leave it to the hands of a doctor who doesn't seem to care.

It's not only this profession that is the case. Many professions now have people who are no longer passionate about what they do, and hold the values that is required in the job. It is just a job. One that brings in the money.

Values are diluting. Evident even in the supposedly occupation with the most stringent criteria in recruitment.

As I thought about it, I give thanks that the doctor I read about in the morning, is a doctor who is always passionate, a doctor who always sticks to his values.

A Passing Thought

Emptiness - reminds me that I am human. It leads me to the same conclusion - I need to be filled.

By what? Only He knows :)

Clarity & Assurance

Stayed back to clear work once again. As usual, a particular ADir came along to disturb my colleague and I. He has a penchance for sweet things, and my colleague's pocky sticks were gone within minutes.

The talk turned to catholicism and christianity. The two of them were catholics, and for me, christian. The initial casual talk, became one of depth when the two lamented on how their passion for what they believed in were withered along the way.

After some time, the ADir left for home, and I decided that since we were on the same topic, I wanted to find out if my colleague's stand on who God was and the fundamental of what Jesus came to earth for held true for her.

I heaved a sigh of relief in my heart when she agreed that Jesus came to die for our sins, that we are saved through Him, and that we are awaiting His arrival. Though of course, there were differences in how much emphasis we look forward to His arrival, and also the various rituals that catholics practise. The basic understanding that she understands that she is saved allowed me to thank God. She also shared her experiences with God, and how He called her back to Him. Though the "relationship" is not that intimate, and she still experiences that gap of awe with God, yet, I am just thankful throughout the discussion, that at least, all these were surfaced. It refreshed me. This was one of my objectives in this organisation. To bring people to God, else, to help clarify the fundamentals. Today, one came to pass.

It is the beginning of many more to come. It is my hope, to touch people through my work and also through sharing of His love. The partnership with Him, in spreading the love, is one which surpasses all other matters. The joy that comes along with it, is irreplaceable.

Found

There are some things which are lost, but can be found. There are others, which are lost, and never can be found. Why so profound? I am in the mood for rhymes once again.

Recently, someone made me remember something which I loved to do when I was younger. This has always been around, just that, I had not taken notice of it for a long, long time.

Today, I re-opened it again, and spent some quality time together with it. It's amazing, that connection with it. Something that I almost forgotten. It is my organ. I had intensively developed a relationship with it for around five years. Thereafter, I lost touch with it.

As I touched it again. I realized, that I am no longer as close to it. My fingers no longer tap it as well as I used to. Yet, the connection that I had lost, returned. When you find time between you and your instrument, making music, no one can intervene it. The music that is created, is something you will enjoy, it's something between you and your instrument. That something, is something I found back today, and boy am I glad I found it once again.

The Pursuit

Recently, I caught the show Pursuit of Happiness. The theme revolved around commitment, hope and perserverance. Never giving up the fight, and never letting the critics get into your system.

All the values are critical to life. Without them, there's nothing much of life left. Without commitment to something we truly believe for, or in, there isn't anything much to wake up to in the morning. Life becomes aimless.

Without hope, there is nothing to look forward to.

Without perserverance, we would never get to our finishing point.

Life doesn't seem fair to us at times. All the more when we look at things using our own set of scales - which inevitably ends up imbalanced. How do we embrace life such that it gives us a sense of purpose and joy? There is only one answer. Life with our Maker.

I have a lot of dreams that I wish to pursue. Are those dreams really what I am made out for? No one knows better than the one who thought of what I was created for. He began with the end in mind.

Daily, there are always the challenges in life. The things that I refuse to face, yet have to face. How I face them though, depends on how I see myself in the situation. How can I get a clearer picture? When I see it through an elevated platform. A platform that only He provides.

Once again, I am back at the source of life. There's no pursuit more worthwhile, than the pursuit of the greatest love of all. The pursuit of meaning in life, from the creator of meaning Himself.

Some thoughts on Nonchalence & Comparison

I was reading the cover story on TNP yesterday, with the focal point on the top JCs and their pursuit of perfection. There is an air of nonchalence of their perfect results, however, if there is one blemish to their perfect results, there will be an outburst of hysterical cries.

Personally, I hail from a heartlander JC, while my other better half sibling hails from one of the top JCs. I can see the difference clearly in how my brother looks at his results vis a vis my reaction a couple of years back. It is a far cry. I could see his nonchalence even though his results are way better off than mine.

Why this nonchalence? There was not much of a joy nor that of sadness. There was just nothing. To this group of people, it is something expected.

Are these the people who really walk in the clouds, and don't feel what the normal people feel? Are their lives really much better off? Most of them have one goal - to obtain their coveted scholarship, which eventually lands them in their dream job. For such souls, they do not seem to need to face much roadblocks in their early part of life. Most scholarships would want them. It takes away the agony of going through job selection after graduation, the stress of their parents hounding them to look for jobs quickly, the stress of having to repay their tuition fee loan and many other nitty gritties in life. Their life plan seems set the moment they obtain their scholarship.

When you have reached the top of your class, what do you pursue next? Keeping the top position, or is there more to things than as such? How do you keep your head intact to your neck?

One thing I remembered from one of those serious conversations with my brother, he said, "It doesn't matter what others do - better or worse. What matters is that you have conquered yourself. You know where is your limit, and you choose to stretch yourself beyond that. You know that you have done your best when you have conquered yourself, and that's enough (paraphrase)."

How true. When you start to compare with others, you will never be contented, and you will lose your focus. Face your giants, but do not lose your focus.

Touched by an Angel

There is a show by the same name. It is a show that never fails to inspire and touch my heart. I never thought I would meet one in real life. I did. In the form of a taxi driver.

On the third day of the Chinese New Year holiday, I took a cab back from Bradell station. I don't know the name of the driver, and I wished I had asked. Usually taxi drivers place their name tags on the dashboard. He was a freelance taxi driver who drove only for those few days of the CNY holiday. Hence, he didn't have one.

As we chatted, he revealed more to me about his job, and I came to discover that he was a christian counsellor. On the way that he drove me back home, he asked me a simple question:
How do you know you are a Christian, a child of God?

I explained to him, and eventually, he told me that I am one of the rare people whom he asked who could give him such a clear answer why I believe strongly that I am a child of God. This was not what mattered to me though - the praise that he gave to me on how well I answered did not matter to me.

I realized what mattered to me - that I am a child of God. Nothing is going to change this fact. I am a child of God. I read Psalm 73 on the way out of my house the same day, and that very psalm stated that even I had envied the way of the sinners, and behaved foolishly, God is still the God who holds me by my right hand, and guides me with His counsel.

As we spoke, he revealed even more on how whenever he drove the taxi for a living, he'd never fail to strike up such a conversation with people, and from the place where he picked up the passenger, he'd never fail to present the gospel within the span of the journey. I was inspired, yet at the same time saddened. I knew very well, I had lost that flame within me. The very same flame that this taxi driver had. The fire within him that keeps him being an ambassador for God wherever he goes.

As I got off the cab, I told myself, I must have met an angel who was sent by Him. He has spoken through this person. He is clearly calling out to me. I told Him the past few weeks that I am seeking for Him once again. He lived up to His name. He touched me once again in a way that I receive the best. As I walked back to my home, I told Him that I have returned. I am now by His side, and long to be even closer to His side. I want to listen to His voice, and to know more clearly how much He loves me, how much He is the one that I know I can't live without. Everything else becomes small when I am embraced by the one and only Abba Father who always patiently waits and speaks words that I ever so need to bring me back to the race that I had started, but digressed from. The journey is still on, and I am not giving up. The inspiration for this race is the love that I have daily with Him. I may fail, and forget who I am, but He never fails, and never forgets who I am, and the purpose He had created me for.

Each day, I journey with Him, at times I run, at times I walk, at times I limp, at times I crawl, but the journey still goes on. As long as He keeps His breath within me, His purpose for me is still being unveiled. I look forward to His daily revealing of what He wants for me. I know that it will always be the best for me, whatever the situation.

God Looks At the Heart, We Are Learning to As Well

"God looks at the heart, but we are not God." - someone from Church.

I am still trying hard to look at the heart. It's really hard to see what actually goes on in the heart - it's not something that you can see. But when you do see it, it becomes something that you keep within yourself for quite a while.

To the brothers of NG14B3. This is for you. Giving words of affirmation is my love language. I shall use it to bless all of you (I hope!).

There are only four guys in the caregroup. Of these four, they have different traits and idiosyncrasies. The lame, the stable, the sincere chap and the public relations officer. They make up an interesting combi, and provide much entertainment to the ladies.

Key point note for this post is to thank them for the thought that they had put in appreciating the sisters in the caregroup. Personally, I don't feel I did anything much to be appreciated.

The band of brothers made paper roses for the sisters. They did some research on origami, and even gotten a book of it to look through. Of course, there is a mastermind to it. Yet, it is the effort that is put in to make the rose. Three hours to make one paper rose is no joke. I understood that one stayed up till wee hours of the morning to make it.

Just would like all of them to know, that they are endearing brothers. Brothers who are not loud, flamboyant, and aim to be the centre of attraction. Yet, they are brothers who seek to bless, provide stability and desire to develop themselves for the better as they seek forth their calling in God. Through this time, I have seen their quiet perserverance, their willingness to bare their hearts openly regarding their lives - good and bad, and providing the binding effect to the group. More importantly, I affirm the brothers' courage to undertake new challenges, be it in their careers, walk with God and many others. This courage stems forth from the relationship they have with God, that reveals the trust and confidence they have in God to make bold decisions that gravely affects their lives, and to some, especially their pockets. Kudos to all of you, brothers of NG14B3. May the Lord continue to pour forth His blessings, vision and power into your lives. As you serve, may you be blessed.

You Can't Hurry Love

"Can't hurry love, no, you just have to wait.
Love don't come easy, you just have to give and take."
Dixie Chicks

I walked out of my cubicle just now, and met my tempstaff along the way. The first thing she exclaimed was, "It's V-day tomorrow, and I don't have any date. I'm meeting someone on Thursday, but it just ain't the same!" She's only 18 years old. I was laughing at her candid-ness. Those are the very words that will never come out of my mouth!

It's V-day. To some, it's Singles Awareness Day. It causes me to chuckle when I bump into people who tear their hair over this date. The day when supposedly cupid actually takes a blind stab at shooting his arrows, and all hell breaks loose.

To the enterprising, this day is perfect for profit-making, where dating couples wouldn't mind spending ridiculous amounts of money for flowers that would die within a day or two. To the the dating couples, it's a day where surprises are required, and late nights are spent to plan for the special date. To the skeptics, it's just a day that causes people around to lose their minds, and their sense of taste in order to get THAT date, and to make it perfect. To the bochaps, it's just another day on the calendar.

To me, now what can I say? It's a day for me to realise that my biological clock is catching up with me fast. It's a day where reflections are made on this part of life. I've always been a cynic of romance. Of late though, I realized I changed. Being cynical doesn't help in anything. It only helps in missing out the good part of life, it's better if one looks forward to hope for something good to happen. And this applies to all parts of life. This is one of the parts of life that one can't control. You can't make someone fall in love with you. It's a part of life where if it comes, it comes. Yes, perhaps, one can work towards winning that dream guy/gal. Yet, when one tries too hard, it doesn't really last. That is not the true self. That's not allowing someone to love you for who you are, but yet, still hope that you would always continue to develop to someone even better.

I've seen countless of broken marriages. Too many for me to count on my fingers. It doesn't matter if it was a 1 year marriage, 10 year marriage or 20 year marriage, if one loses the cool, if one just snaps for good, then that's the end to the entire "romance".

Romance, in itself, is not the bottom line. Question now, are we chasing romance? Or are we chasing a life-long union that we wish to have and hold? What does V-day represent? A day of romance, or a commemoration of romance that lasts through the union? It all depends on oneself.

In the meantime, on with the roses, champagne and chocolates!

Communi-Cation

The Learning Needs Analysis is an important portion of all good companies who want to provide their staff with cutting edge education so as to develop them for better productivity and results.

I just went through mine. The main topic on my plate this year is communication. How to be better trained in communication to the masses.

Breaking up the word communication, led me to find community within the word. Communication that occurs when there are groups of people. Despite attending countless of communication modules, and even being a communication trainer, it is always difficult to put across things to others in a way that is best for every situation. Either there is a lack of communication, or over-communication.

Sometimes, not saying everything is supposedly better than saying what you really feel about things. More so when the issues are just to sensitive to the other party. No matter how nicely one tries to put it, it will still end up with a wound in the other person. Sometimes, to keep the communication going, one has to decide what to say. It's responsible communication. Putting yourself in other's shoes. Sounds as though it's a very gallant role. However, it is definitely not. Most times, one struggles the most internally in such exchanges.

Communication, a life-long skill. Even a trainer who has trained for 30 over years in communication modules told a class of us - one can never stop perfecting the art of communication.

MC & AFC

It's the fourth day that I am sick. I am now finished with puking (I hope). Scrambled back to office for an hour this morning to clear my desk for the new incumbent, as I shift to another corner, which is supposedly nicer. I have been warned though, to be selectively deaf to certain dirty jokes that happen in the adjourning department.

Received smses from my crazy colleagues once again...

Exercept One
Colleague A: Hey, you ok or not? Stopped puking alr?

Me: Hopefully stopped puking liao la. Btw, is the new gal pretty? More importantly, can play ball games?
(My company has this interdepartmental games thing, that we young ones have to join)

Colleague A: Pretty - probably ten years ago.....and I don't think she plays games, came in 3-inch high heels..btw, think u shd go guardian and buy pregnancy kit, see if there's any blue line..

Exercept Two
Colleague B: Take care...dun go for interviews, but can proceed to go for date.

Somehow, I felt better already.

Last night, watched AFC, S'pore vs Thailand. It was a good score 2 -1. S'pore won by penalty kick. Yet, a little worrying. Didn't seem a clear-cut penalty. Controversial. It seemed scary actually. The Thais refused to go back to the pitch initially after the referee ruled it a penalty. Looks like S'pore won't have a very nice welcome in Thailand this Sunday. Tensions are going to run high. Will see how it goes then.

Bread w Blueberry Jam & Cheese

Been plagued with some funny illness these few days. I was on borderline sick past weeks. Now, it's no longer borderline. I had no chance for medical leave the past weeks. Yesterday, was the only possible day I could finally let myself crumble for a while. Before that was on sheer will power not to fall sick.

I thought it was just something simple - bad throat and fever, and would be over in a day. I guess, the germs refused to let me go without a good battle. Today, I had pasta that stayed within me till now. How do I know that? Apparently, my digestive juices were on holiday, else the pasta is darn stubborn. Everything that refuses to go down, well, comes back up. Alright, I shall censor that part. Anyway, I just stared at the remnants of my lunch.

Went back to work today, and scrapped my way through everything. My mind was working, my body was complaining. After work, it malfunctioned again.

That's where I ended up home settling down for dinner. Bread with Blueberry Jam and Cheese. A combination which I had not taken for some time. Together with a warm glass of milk. Mmmm....sudden comfort swept over me. The sense of satisfaction all over again.

It is always such moments, that make me thankful for the little things in life. The inexpensive, simple, inconspicuous things that when mixed together, creates a little heaven on earth. That's how God works, doesn't it. Most of the times.

Face it...We are getting OLD!

When we were about 15, we were the bunch who hung out together in school. Today, it's been 10 years, and we meet again - at Bhupi's BBQ. A sense of deja vu. Only Bhupi will have BBQ sessions, the rest of us are too LAZY to do such stuffs.

The group has always been insane, and prolly I'm the most sane, I think. In the canteen, we made the most noise, and people generally know us as the councillors who probably needed to be counselled.

In our careers, we are all headed in different ways. I am shocked though, that many had chosen the path to mould the future of our nation. Looks like a particular organisation's marketing has been working well!

It was a non-stop yak yak yak. I am utterly amazed once again at the mock arguments between aini and lokie...thereafter, bhupi will always come in to do mediation. Aih..she's leaving for Oz soon..wonder if June would be a good time for me to go visit her with lokie? Will see then. June's really a tight month.

The highlight of the night, would be looking at the letters Ms Marian, my ex Geog relief teacher, and also their ex English relief teacher sent them recently. During one English lesson, she made them write letters to themselves, and promised she'd send it back to them ten years later. Ten years had passed, and they received the letters they wrote to themselves. Gosh. It was eerie reading what you wrote to yourself ten years ago, and it came to pass. Ms Marian is really one dedicated teacher! She is now residing in Australia, and she took those letters over to Australia and remembered to send them back to her students!

It was a wonderful night, and I'm looking forward to Feb, where we'd meet again. This time, for a proper dinner, in our usual hangout in tampines.

Specially for a Princesse

This post is for a special princesse.

For those who have known me for some time, they'd know that I am perpetually stuck with two lovely ladies - SR and RTham. Two crazy, hilarious gals who'd provide you more entertainment than you can ever imagine. Perhaps, simple life may be less entertaining than having the two of them around? Okay, they are definitely non-bimbotic, but they can surely "pretend" to be one. When the three of us are together, we are literally "unstoppable", in our endless banter and episodes of comedy. A particular comment that was bestowed on us was this:

The Unsanctified Nuns of S1 (S1 being the name of our old cell group)

We are unique yet all focused on one main passion - running the race well and achieving the most for our Abba Father.

The friendship has spanned since 2001, and it's still going strong, if not stronger. We are in our 7th year! We are all in different professions, one deals with kids, another with figures, another with irritating people (okay, sometimes there are those lil angels around).

Recently, SR celebrated her nth birthday. As usual we were out together and with Ms Flo (who came later)- from 630pm till 10pm, we had a solid 3.5 hours continuous eating of japanese cuisine at Waraku. We had the feeling that the waitress was utterly astounded by the capacity of our gastro cavity. We practically ordered from appetizers, to main course, to dessert. And NOW, a noteworthy mention - the tab was lovingly picked up by SR, the birthday gal herself. BIG SMOOCH

We continued the night with KTV, not before exclaiming in mock disgust at the lateness of the availability of the smaller room time by the both of them (I had no part in that! Serious). So there we had three siao char bor singing and singing the night through till 1am...we could have continued on, if not for the early wake up time the next morning.

The above is just one of our exploits. I have a feeling, that if we would seriously pen down all our exploits, it'd be like the Jason Hahn, Amanda & Saffy kind of column (would it be gals?). I don't know. Just a wild thought.

Main point though, is not the above. As a special dedication to my long-term companion, and other half (if only you were a guy, I believe I'd die die want to marry you). Haha..

Thank God for creating you the way you are to complement my seriousness, naughtiness, coldness, and also my lack of objectivity at times, my nemesis with plenty of numbers, my occasional procrastination, whinings, temper, negativeness and the list never seem to end. You have been there at many of my "moments" in life - good or bad, you've walked it through with me, through tears and joy.

Interestingly though, God has always placed us in locations within easy reach of each other. That, I'm truly amazed.

Thanks pal. Hopefully I wouldn't forget all these moments I spent and will spend with you, even when I'm ageing and becoming senile!

Passion of Life?

I was reading a particular industry magazine when I chanced upon a familiar face. She was nominated for young gun of the year for my particular industry. It was my coursemate when I was studying just three years ago. She has been in the industry for over two years now, and is definitely making contributions to the company that she is in.

It made me wonder. If only I had the headstart to what I am doing today, instead of joining just a couple of months ago, what would I be doing, and where would be my standing in this profession?

A good friend asked, "Do you regret staying in your previous job?"

Somehow, my reflex answer was, no.

Thinking through later, made me realize why I said that.
One and a half years in my previous organisation gave me a perspective that I couldn't have gotten if I had embarked straight into this current place. The people whom I met there are still people I keep in contact with to this day. The relationships that were forged were splendid, whether it was professional or casual friendships, it was wonderful. I gained a lot from the experiences of those people, and also a taste of turbulence in a company.

Yes, it is true, that if I had started earlier in the field that I knew I always wanted, I would probably be somewhere by now. There's this drive in me when it comes to this industry, a sparkle in my eye when the ideas pass through my mind, when work comes, and when I get cracking on it. Long hours and difficult people doesn't seem to get in the way (as yet), and I know that there's something I'm aiming to attain in this industry.

Sometimes, I do wonder, how did I get so involved in this industry, and what makes me tick when I see the challenges of it. Is it a passion for the work I have, or something else? Could this be a life-long passion? This, I'd have to let time tell.

Afternoon Teaser

The story goes like this. My colleague and I went out to the atrium for a breather in the afternoon. Someone from our neighbouring department saw us, and came to ask us what we were doing. Next came this dialogue:

Colleague A (the one who saw us): Hey, what were you two doing in the atrium (place where performances are held) ah? Thought you all were about to start performing.

Colleague B: Yeah, yeah....we were doing striptease.

Me: *flabbergasted and in mock dismay* Yup, she stripped, I teased. *wink*

Colleague B: ... ...

Another male colleague walked past: Thank goodness I wasn't there....

Oh well, this is what happens when we get stressed, perplexed and frustrated. We've gone nuts!

Taboo

I couldn't believe it when I heard it. But, there were a few witnesses, and personally I saw things walk out of the office. So how can I not believe it?

I found garlic in between my stuff on my desk after my holiday. On top of that, I found a piece of paper with Javanese writings stashed under my keyboard.

Those were the very words of my colleague. Garlic to ward off evil? And those Javanese words? It sounds eerie. Serious case of intimidation with black magic? Really, try to make more friends as much as possible. How far people will go to cause you to be unsettled.

I asked her on her missing bible. She confirmed that it walked off too!

This is really getting out of hand. Eventually, my colleague and I just concluded that God will protect His children, and we must continue to live our lives purely, with a good conscience.

Basic Instinct

Watched the second installment of the show recently.

Sharon Stone was menacingly seductive. Her poise throughout the show was incredible. She was such a natural. It makes me wonder if she's really like that in real-life. That aside, I was really caught by how the human brain is really one fragile organ. Not only in it being soft physically, but the mind - the fragility of it, is something that makes one shudder at the thought of it.

Do intellectuals have a fetish for mind games? The deadliest sins begin with the mind. One can sin in the mind without people even knowing. That's the most intriguing of all. You'd never ever know the deepest, darkest secrets of people.

A sudden chill just went down my spine.

Learning to Wait

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength: They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isiah 40:31 (KJV)

Today, I am in office. There is some work to be cleared. As I took a breather, I saw this bookmark that my predecessor left behind. It is a simple verse. Today, it brought me another "moment" in my life. A moment I will remember. He just spoke. I understood what He meant, once again.

Impatience is a trademark of me these days. Perhaps the work that I do had sparked off this much more. Something I need to look into. There are many things that require time to cultivate, to appreciate and to learn.

This very verse answers my inadequacies. I keep finding myself wanting to accomplish more, in a shorter time. Yet, I find myself tire out very easily. As usual, my agenda had overtaken His. I am to wait. Yet....wait....is such a torture at times. Without waiting for His guidance, His revealing of path, His manifold wisdom that provides me the inspiration, instruction and support I need, I am impatient for nothing.

To do the utmost, for His highest. This requires waiting on Him, for Him. That's where strength comes from. In receiving through the wait. "Nothing" happening in our lives, doesn't mean He is not doing anything. Thus, wait.

Words of "Advice"

Never trust men....you can see one example for yourself....

This was the first word of advice I received this morning. I couldn't refute the person who said it. I was stumped. Within me, I am fighting the battle that never seem to have been won in this aspect. It's a sweeping statement that holds so much truth to me. Yet, I have to make the decision not to believe in this "truth".

It's another battle of words. I like the beauty of language, the flair with words that one can have, the descriptive emotions that come with it...all adding up to form the picture in my mind. Yet, the very same language that is used to bring joy, also brings a lot of pain.

Enlighten me.

Reflections & Resolutions

Every new year, it is a "tradition" to do reflections and resolutions. This year, isn't different either. The only difference, perhaps, is that I find it had become a "habit" in that it comes naturally, yet, somewhere in the recesses of my heart, I didn't feel like committing to doing them both. Somehow, it has become more technical than heartfelt. R & R, would more preferably be rest & relax rather than anything else for me.

2006 - in a nutshell is a year of changes

Jan - May 2006: Preparation to move to the adults ministry - a time of preparation of the arduous, torturous, humongous project of all - time, affectionately termed SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures). Many of my fellow brothers and sisters spent almost our entire last leg of USM in this. It is memorable. Very, very memorable.

May 2006: I went for two interviews. I got my current job at one. I remembered clearly that both interviews were equally long - stretched more than an hour plus. I thank God, I landed in the right job. The one I love.

June 2006: The exodus from tertiary ministry to adults ministry happened. Indeed, the land flowing with milk and honey was very enticing.

July - September 2006: This is probably the start of turbulent times in my relationships with people. I cleared more conflicts here than any other months in the year. Painful times, but I won't trade it for anything else. It made me realize a lot of things. It opened up my mind and heart to have capacity to swallow more difficulties that come along the way.

October - December 2006: This is the peak of the turbulence. There was another change in my ministry group, albeit a not too pleasant ending to the previous. Much of my convictions were tested. Many questions surfaced. Questions that I do not have all the answers to. Questions that made me wonder why am I where I am, doing what I am doing. Questions that challenged me - if I would like to wonder away to probably unknown lands that bring more challenges than the one I am at.

2006 was a year that strengthened some of my convictions, and at the same time, ended off with the appetizer questions to 2007. There are many answers I am still seeking. It was also a year I found my first corporate mentor. Someone I truly thank Him for leading her into my life. She created moments at work that I will not forget. Lessons that I will forever remember, and a friend that I know I can look for when I am down at work.

Now that 2006 is sealed with the treasures that I have captured. 2007, I believe, will be another year of enticing, fun and greater endeavours with my all-time best friend. Cheers to a greater year, my friend!