For the past six years, I have been learning to stay away from being disillusioned, panicky and bewildered.
At times I suceed, at times I fail. It all depends on how much heart I place in putting His words into my soul, and how often I hang it on my mouth. Do I hold those words like a beautiful plaque of affirmation, or do I hide those words in my heart, but never dare to bring them out, and proudly proclaim?
I am amazed in how negative I am at times, and how at other times I hold on to promises as though I am walking on rainbows. Why do the rainbows seem to stop, when I do not want them to?
There are some dreams, that can be fulfilled, and some dreams that can never be fulfilled. There are times where panic attacks come. The sudden anxiety that doesn't seem to go away comes. The "to-do" list that never ever seem to end. The time that always ticks away so quickly.
The faces of people who are so dear to me, and how I wish that they will always be around...but always fearing that they will someday be gone.
Today, this thought came to me. There are some people whom I love and others whom I want to love, but I know I may never be loved in return. Will I be able to keep on loving?
1 Jn 4:19
We love because he first loved us.
