One.Five Years

I have been in NTU for 1.5 years as an Asst Hall Officer. I always had a lot of apprehension in introducing my occupation throughout this time. People whom I meet will look at me with all kinds of weird expression, trying immensely hard to understand what is my occupation about. "Hm...what does an AHO do ah?" This is a follow - up question that I will face all the time, whenever I introduce myself in this way.

Thereafter would be another five minutes of a brief job description of what I do. I think, my mind is regularly "refreshed" in the work I do at the Hall Office. If my explanation satisfies the other party, well and good, if not, further questions will be asked. Eventually, half an hour talks on my work at the Hall Office will arise. Hence, it turns out to be a good conversational topic?!?!

All the while I was in this job, there were mixed feelings. Exactly what am I to do here? What's my direction in life, all came about. Then again, the free pockets of times in this job allows me to really set my mind to think about what exactly I want to achieve in life. Though I don't have all the answers, but I want to discover them as I live life.

"Visions are refined, they don't change. Plans are revised, they rarely stay the same."

Got this off a friend's MSN nick, according to him, it's from this book, Visioneering. Perhaps, it's also time for me to look at this.

Overall, it's a wonderful 1.5 years spent in this office. Many valuable lessons were learnt here, from the people around. I am glad as well, that I have learnt to relate with people many decades older than me. On top of that, learning from their years of vast experience. The enrichment from this, is priceless.

My staff in office, and my boss just next to me, in matching colour tops. It's an experience I am glad to be placed in this place for.

Somehow, I have this sense, that these 1.5years, are the preparatory years, thereafter, I am going for the kill. Haha...not sure about that. Yet, I sense my drive being stronger after here, and I am looking forward to scale the heights that will be placed in front of me in my new vocation.

Jer 29:11. He knows what's best for me, and the seasons in my life. Yes, there were countless struggles, countless conflicts, countless bargainings with Him over what I want in my life. After all these, that sense of assurance and security in walking with Him. Priceless.

Some Things Just Can't Be Expressed

There are times when I find I want to say more, but I can't bring myself to say it. Some expressions in my heart, that at times is bursting at its seams to be overflowed, but I can't release it.

Sometimes, I just don't know how to make it sound how I really feel. There are deep churnings of emotions in my heart, but I can't release them. Am I not able to face up to it? What is it that is hindering me from releasing these? Not releasing it in a hurtful way, but just to release it.

Looking for directions here, to be self-controlled, yet at the same time allowing myself to release these feelings within me, in a right way. Then again, what is the right way?

Delayed Reflections

On certain days, I can't help but smile. Sometimes, it is on my face, other times, it is on my heart. Today, both happened. (=

Today, I woke up to dark, overcast skies, threatening to rain all it can on me. At that point, I gave thanks to God for the shelter He placed over my head. I also gave thanks that He understands how I felt early this morning - gloomy. Glad that he feels like I do, or I felt He is telling me He understands, by painting the skies this way. Anyway, He does know what I feel. Period.

The mornings have been rather cold. Bitterly cold at times. Yet, throughout all these, He lets His love shine through. That ray of light that just creeps its way through the crevices of the trees I walk under, reminds me of that ray of hope I have in Him.

As I walked to my office, I asked myself. What have I gained in my service to my current organisation? What have I contributed in it for the past 2 years? Had I really made an impression, a good one, I hope, to the people in this place? I had no answers for a while, then it started to come in.

After my resignation was announced, I received phone calls from colleagues all around. Some called to ask about my decision, expressing their shock, and also that they'd miss me. Thereafter sending me their well wishes. Boy was I surprised. I thought I would make a quiet exit out of my organisation.

I thought that was it. A moment in time where people generally would just say their goodbyes out of mere courtesy. Then further came gifts, emails, even visits to my office to talk. Really pleasantly surprised that such efforts were made. In total, I received a good sum of angpao. I was surprised. Never did i think of so many people contributing to it.

Throughout this while, I realized that somehow, through His grace, I had impacted some people in this organisation. The things they wrote, the thoughts they have about me, encouraged me to see that God, You have placed your imprint in this place through me. I am glad that I had heeded Your direction, Your hope for me in this place. That, your very word in Matt 6:33 really meant so much. All I asked then, was a workplace on campus, to reach the student ministry more effectively. You gave me that, and so much more!

Hence, my gloomy day, became one of thankfulness, one of hope. You made it come to past. Your partnership with me has been impeccably wonderful.

What Can I Say?

I have changed. I think so.

At least, my vocation has changed. My ministry has changed. The people whom I am hanging out with often has also changed.

My perspectives and viewpoints have changed. My relationships with people have also changed. My heart condition has changed.

Yet, He has not changed. His love has not changed. His patience has not changed. His hopes and dreams for me has not changed.

What can I say? I just can't help but break into a song, to praise His goodness. In moments like these, I sing You a Love Song.

What can I say? I can never thank Him enough, never love Him enough, never seek Him enough. There's always so much more to Him than I ever can imagine.

God - More than you can imagine....