Hard to Describe

Feeling under the weather of late. There are things which can't be put into words, even how much you want it to be put into words. Case of not facing up to the reality? I presume so.

Upcoming period of time, will be challenging - to people around me, and to me. Just trying to keep my head above water, and remembering to paddle at the same time, not forgetting, to paddle in the RIGHT direction. Wow, now that seems hard. Hmm...

Questions

The older I get, the more confused I become. Why? Had been thinking about life, mine in particular. The so many things that I have been led through with Him. But I don't know what all these lead to.

Something I realized about myself recently though - I have developed some kind of dementia. I can't remember certain unhappy things, rather, I have a difficult time remembering what exactly was hurting. What's happening?

Change Management

I remembered I took this module - Change Management in my final semester as a student. If I wasn't wrong, I scored an A -grade for it. Weirdly, one and a half year on, I am taking it again. This time, a practical course.

Whatever that was discussed in the past on employee unhappiness, low staff morale, lack of direction and vision in an organisation, the lack of a positive culture, etc, all are now being enacted in front of my very eyes.

It surely doesn't feel good to be in a situation where the entire organisation is going through a major upheaval. It adds to the emotional strain of the employees when the change management team is not doing much to allay the fears of the people by telling them the truth.

I remembered a course where I attended. The course instructor didn't say anything profound, but he just said it plainly. "You may say a lot of things, but those lot of things doesn't really matter, unless it is the truth." Yes, people may grieve over it, rant over it, but at the end of the day, they can pick up and move on. When the truth is witheld, the entire organisation will be in a frenzy. How true. It is what I am looking at now.

The way I see it, strengthens my stand on one thing. Everything may be shaken in life, the security of the job, the changes in people and the organisation. One thing still stays the same, still stays stable, unchanged - the character of God, and His promises laid out.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth will give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46:1-3

How apt. His direction and purpose is what that keeps His people assured and at peace despite the upheavals around us. I may not know exactly His plan for me, but I sense it is unfolding and I'd find the answer to the reason why I am still here, soon.

JC kakis

Met up again over the week. Let me see, the last time we three met was at shan's birthday. And that was like a zillion years ago!!! Hmm...ok, that was three years ago? Yup, I think so.

Interesting to see how we have not changed much in the looks section (still young, pretty...=p), but in ourselves, within our hearts, a lot of things have changed. Ms E has since been training to be a budding pianist at La selle....Shan's working at a finance company.....and in paper qualifications, mine seemingly is in society's standard, the best, but guess what? Monetary standards are not very proportionate. Ms E earns $50 bucks per hour, just by whacking some white keys with a student!















We caught up at Tampines, Century Square, our JC hang out place. It felt good to be back there, with familiar faces, talking about our crazy times together in our green uniforms, people in our class, our teacher, etc, etc. Think we should do it sometime soon. Probably at Ms E's house the next round! =)

Farewell...

There's quite a bit of movement in my organisation lately. It's farewell after farewell.

I've got to miss one farewell dinner as I'm typing this now, but it's still a sense of loss.

One is a person who guided me a lot in my work when I started off, another is a friend I gotten to know recently but the friendship deepened in a short period of time, and the last, a friend whom I've yet to get to know better, and they are all leaving.

Yet, it's still something to thank for, that in the story of my life, they are people who contributed some content in it, some more, some less. Nevertheless, they have played a part, and I hope that they'd continue to be at some point or another.

The gift I made for one of them.......

Focus, Direction

There are 24 hours in a day. Of these, not all are moments, moments that I'd stop to ponder over. The great ones, seem to last only those few minutes. Or in some days, I find none to be considered a moment to keep.

How much of these moments have I missed? How much of these moments are meant to be for keeps?

Focus - on the moments that I can give thanks to, rather than the many hours of events, circumstances that I dread. Learning to see what's the truth behind romans 8:28.

In my heart, I have planned for a particular direction. Yet, will that come to pass? I shall see.

Christmas Weekend

This year's christmas is really hectic! Five services of performance, a birthday celebration, a christmas party, and watching Narnia all rolled into three days over the christmas weekend. Hardly a time of shut-eye.

The Dance! Thank God all went well...and we did our best! It was a great team to work with! And one thing good - they were all so young, made the older ones look young also! =p

We ended off the Sunday of Christmas with a Christmas party. It was a themed party. We were supposed to look futuristic in our dressing....haha

Every Christmas's a nostalgic one for me. It's just that time of the year that I remember what happens in the entire year. The highlights, and the ones which I want to unhighlight.

The main thing this year I received, is the gift of friendships growing in richness. Relating is never easy. But this year, through the hard times, I found this much cherished circle of friends. His christmas gift to me.

In Much Need of ZzZzZz

Christmas!!! =)

I appreciate the meaning of it, a time of remembering Christ and His love for all of us, and His love that wants to touch more people around, to find a hope, and a future...that fulfillment in life...

Yet, I'm also in need of my beauty sleeeeeeeeeeep! It's the umpteenth time I cabbed to work today...now I know why God gave me a good bonus! The rest doesn't seem to be enough...and at times like this, I really, really wished that my office was located in Shenton Way and not Boon Lay!

2005 passed very quickly. I realized, I was forced to grow up rather quickly this year. Overall, this year had been one where I found myself in predicaments after predicaments of looking beyond what my human eyes can see, but at what God wants me to see. The hope and the love that can be found in all hard times. The bonds forged, and the friendships deepened. There are just too many things I can give thanks for.

Now, my hope - a merry sleepmas! hehe....December 26! I'm looking forward to my much awaited sleep! After all the joy, fun and excitement this weekend...all I want is my trustworthy slumber mates and a nice, sweet time with my Abba Father!

Hardest thing to DO

Going back to the favorite of all favorites, the topic of love. Thinking back of the age-old mushy lines, such as Jerry Mcguire's, "You had me at hello." That's really a good one, I thought. The next, "You complete me".

What really is defined as love nowadays? The mere fluttering of the heart? The butterflies in the tummy that never fades away?

I know what's the right definition. Yet, the above definition is much more fascinating than the one which I saw below. The Message version 1 Corinthians 13:4-9.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
5Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
6Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
7Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

There's so much of a commitment. It takes a life time to love. Countless times the reverse of the above happens in my life. How often have I been impatient, how often I keep scores after scores. I definitely can't put up with anything. I definitely care for myself more than others, and I definitely desire what I do not have.

Yet, it brings me back to the one who did it all. For me, for us. I'm awestruck.

Grr....Here are the SEVEN....

At the request of a Mr Lim H.K.

7 things that scare me:

1. People who are close to me leave me
2. Flying cockroaches
3. Losing my faith
4. Losing my direction in life
5. People finding out my deepest darkest secrets
6. Drowning
7. Heights

7 random songs at the moment:

1. Chicken Little song (mu-ee-wah-hee)
2. You're Beautiful Beyond Description
3. Eternal Flame
4. Raindrops keep Falling on My Head
5. All Heaven Declares
6. Victory Chant
7. Still

7 things that I like most:

1. Sleep
2. Lim kopi/teh-si
3. Writing my journal
4. Dreaming of great things
5. Ban mian
6. Marcoroni & Cheese
7. Being with good friends

7 names i go by:

1. Genie
2. Ginny
3. Jenny (people who don't believe that my name is pronounced as genie)
4. Ni-ni
5. Shuyi
6. Chimney
7. Girlie (only mum uses tis)

7 important things in my room:

1. Journal
2. Fan
3. Air-con
4. Bed
5. All my Cards from friends
6. Handphone charger
7. Gifts!

7 random facts about me:

1. Loves reading bimbotic novels e.g. shopaholic
2. Had short hair for first 18 years of my life
3. Used to like hello kitty and little twin stars
4. Started wearing specs in primary 1
5. Am very stubborn
6. Stays opposite a reservoir
7. Feminist at heart

7 things I plan to do before I die:

1. Tell as many people as I can about Christ (especially see all my family receive Him into their lives)
2. To engage in counselling work
3. Visit Venice
4. Live for a few years in any other country except Singapore
5. Own my own studio apartment (dream)
6. Obtain another degree
7. Get married and have kids (multiply - literally)

7 things I can do:

1. Daydream
2. Make noise on my guitar and organ
3. Irritate the hell out of jieyun
4. Write long long encouragement cards for people
5. Shop, shop, shop all day long
6. Score an average of 100 plus at bowling (pathetic ah)
7. Change my mind in a splitsecond

7 things I can't do:

1. Run more than 5km
2. Splits
3. Eat durian
4. Multi-task more than 3 things at a go
5. Mental calculation, quickly
6. See without my specs (yup, that blind)
7. Talk non-stop

7 things I say the most:

1. lalalalala
2. huh?
3. chey
4. goodness me
5. pengz
6. dotz
7. sian

7 qualities I want in a potential boyfriend/ girlfriend:

1. Sensitive
2. Wise
3. Firm
4. Patient
5. Humble
6. Some humour
7. Follows His ways wholeheartedly

7 Celebrity Crushes

NIL

Tagged!!

Alamak!! I thought, with such a pensive post. I'd not kena anything weird. Yet, still can kena....all thanks to Ms Tham!!!Tagged me for what?!?!?! =p

Aiyah, very ley chey...but oh well, for the fun of it..here goes....

1. Whenever I'm in need of comfort food, I'd go for ban mian (specifically qiulian's).

2. All I need to amuse myself is my journal, my pen and a cup of coffee.

3. My student life jobs included being a flyer distributor, donut stall helper, cosmetics salesgirl (hard to believe ah!), vitamin salesgirl, maintenance office administrator, paper sorter for insurance company, pokemon/gundam salesgirl.......I think that's it?

4. I love receiving cards (greeting,encouragement, etc), especially those with essay long messages.

5. Three women who impacted my life in the early years: Mrs Hedy Vaithilingam(pri 1-4 teacher), Mrs Tan Hang Wan (Pri 5-6 teacher) and Mrs Karen Tham (JC Geog teacher). All three shaped my thinking structure, passion for the arts and provided words of wisdom for my growing years. Interestingly, all three are all sisters-in-christ!

But no worries, I'm not going to tag anyone...to lazeeeeee for that....=)

Why?

Have a lot of questions on something. Hold back to ask.

Feel a lot for something. But not to the extreme. Hold back to feel all the way.

Why the holding back? What's stopping it to go all the way?

Do I know?

Question

How do you receive sympathy?

This is a question that was posed to me recently. Is there a right or a wrong way? Why the question in the first place?

Life is already a maze to figure out. We do not always have the bird's eye view, but a question like that, makes it even much more puzzling. Much more into the question, why does one need to ask how to receive it? Is there a particular way to receive it?

The education I received gave me the other way of asking it. How to provide sympathy for people? The model of grief - what to say, or not to say to someone grieving.

In a situation where the outcome is not favorable to a person, sympathy comes naturally. It is also something that the person needs, yet to a considerable extent. There isn't any right or wrong rule to it. Probably, a matter of, does the sympathy-giver care? I think, if care and love is the motivation, this question, is probably redundant? The one giving sympathy should stand in the position of the one needing it? This would mean the person thinking for the other. Hence, why this question in the first place?

Sadness.Comfort.Gladness

In food terminology, i feel like rojak now. All mixed up, sticky, black, liquidity, yet also certain parts hard, some wet, some dry. Alright. I'm just mixed up within.

Things that happened in my life I've always believed that there's a purpose for it. This one is no different.

Yet in this time, there's a calmness. A hope. A sense of peace and comfort. A lot of things are not explainable. I think that's very Him. A source of peace in a time of turmoil. A time where answers are not able to be found that quickly, but to pray that everything will turn out fine. That's where my gladness is found.That's where I know, that I've made the right choice about something.

MAS Lunch Meeting!

Haha! It finally happened! Our University Support Ministry's Manpower, Administration & Stewardship Department (what a mouthful) met up for lunch!

Slurp...really enjoyed the time...It's just so rare that we are not facing the computer, accounts, email, etc, etc....

Ramblings

Reading: Lies women believe, And, The Truth that sets them Free. I've been lying to myself, everyday, every minute, yet, I didn't know! The biggest liar of all? My mind. Ha.

I can't help grinning at some pictures that were sent through my email. There's only that someone who would know why. I can't imagine what else will there be tonite? ;p

Emily Rose: Yessssssh, I want to watch this!!! But coordination seems like forever....

Yeah, this is incoherent, but what the heck, it's the weekend!!!!! I need to get out of office!! Then again, do I? GACI - so many things to prepare....:S

Oh, whatever, in the end, one thing - God is good! Smile.

Wide-open wonder

I was on MRT this morning, wearing mismatched slippers with a formal looking outfit. I had no choice. I had left my heels in office in a haste to get to the tutorial rooms yesterday, hence my weird lookingness this morning.

To top it off, I was super duperly sleepy, as I sent princesse off to Shanghai late last night, rather, it was early, early this morning. I don't know if it was the way I slept, the way I looked whilst I slept, or was I drooling (don't feel wet though!), but this fella opposite me was looking at me with wide-opened wonder when I woke up due to the jerk of the MRT. BUT, I just didn't care! You could look all you want! I need sleep! I finally woke at Boon Lay, again to his wide-opened wonder look. Alright, probably he just has that kind of look!

My mind was filled with what princesse told me yesterday on her trip to Bangkok, hill tribes to visit the churches there. I was utterly encouraged by the testimonies, stories and experiences shared. What really, really encouraged me was - princesse has grown up! I was so warmed by her stories the whole night, if not for that early boarding time on SQ, wished we could talk so much more.

Simple stories, and simple heart of serving our loving God.

A pastor in the church had a very bad curvature on his leg, making it so hard for him to walk. Yet, he looks at it as an encouragement to others instead of a flaw. For with his physicalities, he serves the Lord wholeheartedly, why not the rest? "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 1 Cor 12:9

In a village with no electricity and proper water supply, a pastor consistently visited his neighbour to share the goodness of God. How? By walking 20KM of terrain to the neighbouring hilltribe. He did so for two years, and finally, saw the neighbours coming to experience the love of our Lord. I'm touched by that simple heart to bring across the love of God to the others. Despite all the lousy infrastructure, long distances travelled, outcaste treatment (natives of hilltribes are termed to be a lower status than their city counterparts), they all had one commonality - to love Him with all their heart, all their soul and all their strength and all their mind.

Of Beauty Regimes & God

When I was beleaguered and bitter,
totally consumed by envy,
I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox
in your very presence.
I'm still in your presence,
but you've taken my hand.
You wisely and tenderly lead me,
and then you bless me.
You're all I want in heaven!
You're all I want on earth!
When my skin sags and my bones get brittle,
GOD is rock-firm and faithful.

Ps 73:21-26 (MSG)

Something that caught my attention today...a dumb ox in your very presence - something very true to me...I am just like that at times.. don't get the full picture, but keep going head-strong...using brute force, speech, etc. After it all, I'd just take a step back, and then literally LAUGH at my foolishness. And, I'm doing all this in the presence of a holy God. His patience is just so great.

In NIV, verse 26 reads, My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. In the message version, how direct and clear cut...skin sagging and bones gettin brittle (2 of the fears of women), He still remains firm and faithful.Irregardless of what I am like inside (my heart attitude) and outside (how I look). Indeed, that's all I need. That assurance from Him. That very acceptance.

Essence to keep me going and admiring the beauty of the works of His. A moment with Him in the morning, brings me a long way.

Reminisce

The clock struck ten past five, and I made my way to prepare some soup for some people mugging in the south spine of where I was working. It had been some time since I have made such soup, and seriously, I was just hoping that the prayers work - that He will help me make good soup, or else, at least protect their stomachs, or even better, provide them with taste buds that won't tell that the soup tastes bad!

An hour later, it was ready, and I made my way to the place. It had been some time since I have walked the corridors of this familiar place. The reddish rectangular tiles, the black benches along the lecture halls, the dim lights and the never-ending carpark. I had spent some good three years in this place studying. Each nook had a story to tell. One which brings me back to the various project discussions, another the haven of all of most of us where we rushed our FYP, yet another where my bimbo HR group surprisingly managed to come up with some commendable presentations. Yes, it was all coming back to me.

I reached the place, greeted by some familiar faces and some not so familiar ones. It was good to see them once again. The examination period is a time where the family bonding in this group grows by leaps and bounds. The whole place looked like a home - hot water flasks, sleeping bags, and the well - stocked "provision stall" marked the decor of the seminar room.

After some chatting, guitar playing, crapping and all that sort, here I am, typing out the very thoughts that came. Here I am, sitting in a tutorial room where I used to have my lessons, only now that, I am blogging instead of preparing my reports. It's all so different now. How I wished I was back studying again.

It was good memory though....

Nothin' but the whole truth

" U just let all ur emotions take over now....Ur emotions r eating up everything of u..And much of it isn't even true!"

Yup, how true it is. I needed it. Thank you for being so frank with me, and putting up with all my nonsense.

I am really blessed to know you.